For Better or Worse
by madierasreyes
Summary: While chasing down a cop-killing monster, Olivia Benson meets a woman who has a story to tell about abuse, victims and police officers.


I took in a deep slow breath, concentrating on the way every nerve in my body seemed to awaken with my deliberate action. I wanted to focus on the smell of my present environment and how my body and my mind and even my soul would react to the different aromas that surrounded me. I sat up straighter in the small wooden chair that had been provided for me. I had studied the chair before taking a seat, wondering just how long such an inconsequential object had been in use and if anybody had ever really given the worn, even slightly damaged piece of furniture much thought. I thought about the chair and how it had warned me to straighten my posture, to relieve or even protect my body from anything more uncomfortable.

The room was darker than maybe I would have liked, depressing even and I wondered if the weather outside was bad. I had listened to it rain most of the night and couldn't imagine the storm hadn't passed by now. I looked toward the small window that gave little away as far as what was going on out there and if I should be the least bit concerned. There was very little noise permitted to enter the small room where I now worked to relax my mind and just breathe. If only breathing were as simple an action as most people believed it to be. Not always automatic, hardly ever easy.

"I used to love to wear perfume. I found I could feel anything I wanted based on my choice. Strong, powerful, attractive...even sexy." I finally let my eyes fall on the tall brunette sitting just to my left, letting the small, square table serve her as an armrest. "Obsession. Right? It suites you well."

Angelina Marino smiled a confession and I let myself smile in response. I looked away but still managed to notice how she shifted in her seat, switching one leg for the other and crossing them once again. The black heels she wore were nice, complimented her and her outfit, but not necessary. "I would rather spend my money on other things, but I do like to smell nice as well. What is your preference?"

"Hypnotic Poison." I gave Angelina a tight smile only to let it go. "Mystery and intrigue as well as romance. Yeah, I liked that one. I liked perfume and jewelry and make-up. The little things that allowed you to admit to yourself that you were worth it. Worth spending a little money on yourself, just to feel good, look good."

Angelina smiled. She tapped her pen on the table in a rhythm I picked up on immediately. "If you don't mind me saying so, you have a certain natural beauty to you. I do, however, understand wanting those things from time to time. Women deserve to be pampered, even if we ourselves have to do the pampering."

I allowed my eyes to consider Angelina's for a few seconds longer than I would have normally. Deep, dark, brown eyes. Caring, sensitive, nonjudgmental. I suppose the fact she came off as warm, inviting and trustworthy worked well given her line of work. Safe. Angelina Marino felt safe and I found I could let my breathing even out when with her. She was patient, so patient which also worked in her favor. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure I know how to talk to you."

"There are no rules here with me. You talk, I listen. If you ask a question, I will answer you in the best way I know how. If you ask a question I can't answer, I will find somebody that can get that answer for you." Angelina pushed her glasses to the top of her head. I watched as her long brown hair followed with the glasses, showing her ears and the earrings she had chosen to wear today. Pampered. Good for her.

She was a beautiful woman, older with a motherly way about her and I could only wonder why she didn't wear a ring. Maybe it was for her own good that she didn't sport that piece of jewelry, although I wasn't sure of the risk involved in that. She did say I could ask anything. "Are you married, Angelina?"

"I am." Angelina searched my eyes then before continuing. "Fourteen years to a wonderful man named Joshua."

"That's nice." I wanted to smile but found I simply couldn't. After a few moments, I followed up. "Did Joshua buy you those earrings?"

I watched as Angelina reached up and fingered her earring on her left ear as if reminding herself which ones she had chosen to wear today. I decided that was exactly what she was doing. "He did. A few years back for my birthday."

This time I did smile. That was nice.

"Did Roger buy you jewelry, Debbie? For your birthday, anniversary, maybe just because?" Angelina's voice was smooth. I liked it and it helped me feel safe enough to let my mind go back.

"Yeah." I smiled without opening my mouth. I looked up at the woman before me and her eyes were locked onto mine, encouraging me. Telling me it was okay to remember the good things about Roger. "Earrings, bracelets, rings. I especially loved my wedding ring. It was beautiful."

Angelina smiled and began to write into her notepad. I didn't ask, but maybe she felt it necessary to answer the question I wanted to. She turned the pad toward me so that I could see what she had written. Beautiful wedding ring. "I like to jot down notes. Things you mention in your words, not mine."

I nodded my agreement although I wasn't sure the purpose of doing that. I trusted Angelina, even if I wasn't sure why. "Why do you not wear your wedding band?"

"My fingers swell by the end of the day and I fear I wouldn't be able to get it off." Angelina let a low laugh escape. "It's hell getting old, Debbie."

"You're not old. You look beautiful." I surprised myself with my comment and leaned against the hard-wooden back of my chair. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I think I just got a glimpse into who you really are." Angelina put the pad down on the table and placed her pen with it. "I want you to be comfortable with me, to be able to talk to me. Thank you, my dear, for such a compliment."

I nodded toward the lady sitting close to me. If she felt old, she hid it very well. "Tell me about Joshua. He sounds awesome."

Angelina looked up at the clock, we both knew we were only afforded a certain amount of time each day. "Are you sure you want to spend the time we have talking about me and my life?"

"Sure, beats the hell out of talking about me and my life." I, too, glanced up at the clock on the wall. "There's a look you get when you mention his name. Fourteen years of marriage and you are still very much in love with him."

Angelina seemed to understand why the questions I was asking of her. I had to know I could trust her, had to know she would understand where I was coming from. I had to know she would simply get me. "Joshua and I had been high school sweet hearts. But kids will be kids and we broke it off during our senior year, starting seeing other people. He married, I married and so the story goes."

I sat up straight in my chair, relieved and grateful that Angelina chose to share with me.

"I suffered through a very unhappy marriage and a bitter divorce from my first husband, but in the process, I learned about myself. Who I was inside and what I wanted. Really wanted for me." Angelina paused. "I ran into Joshua at my lawyer's office of all places. He had apparently retained the same attorney for his divorce."

"Timing is everything, so they say." I almost shook my head at the way the world worked sometimes.

"It was nearly four years later before I met up with him again. Chance meeting at the grocery store and we began dating. He understood I wanted to take things slow and we enjoyed dating. It wasn't until two years later before Joshua proposed. By then I knew I loved this man, who was nothing like the boy he was in high school." Angelina smiled as she gladly shared. "He is a man and therefore is nowhere near perfect, but he is faithful and hardworking and respects everything about me and what I do. And I feel the same way about him. Yes, we are still very much in love after fourteen years."

I simply stared at Angelina. I felt such envy at the way she spoke of her husband. "I loved my husband. I know that probably is impossible for anyone to believe, but I did."

Angelina reached out her hand and waited until I leaned forward and offered her mine. Her hand was cold to the touch, but she immediately wrapped her fingers around mine and held my hand tightly. "I believe you loved your husband, Debbie."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia Benson cursed under her breath as the door slammed to her office, this was her office now and she should be the one slamming the door. She glanced out into the live squad room, meeting the eyes of her detectives just before pulling the blinds. She then took a deep breath and braced for Deputy Chief Dodds to begin.

"I trusted you, Benson. I trusted that you could handle this position, this unit." Dodds was furious and if the volume of his voice didn't show it, his short-clipped words did.

"I can handle this unit, Chief." Olivia removed her glasses and gently set them down on her desk. She briefly glanced at the picture of her adopted son, Noah, before looking up at her boss. "You know how these things go, sometimes it truly is about taking a step back before plowing ahead."

"One step?" And there was the volume. "You think this latest mishap is just a step back? Wake up, Benson! Put your glasses back on and see how you are failing not only your team, but yourself if you believe that this is a minor setback!"

"Chief..."

"I have a retired Sergeant dead! And we went from having numerous leads to not even a clue now." Chief Dodds rubbed his jaw with one hand before slamming his other down on the desk. He then turned and gestured out toward the squad room. "And what kind of circus are you running here anyway. Tutuola may as well just retire. He's got no motivation to move up, therefore, he's in the way."

"Chief, Fin is my best detective. His contribution has layers that benefit this team and what we do here." Olivia bravely took a few steps closer to Deputy Chief Dodds. "I understand the heat is coming down on you concerning former Sergeant Willis, but Sir, I still am not sure why SVU is still involved in this case at all."

"The kid, Benson! Have you forgotten about the kid?" Dodds placed his hands on his hips. Olivia was right to say the brass was coming down on him and hard.

"With all due respect, Sir, we located the child and she has been returned to her family." Olivia questioned Dodds and whether he was completely up to speed. "Rollins and Carisi are following up with her and her parents, but as of right now she hasn't been able to provide much as far as who may have taken her."

Dodds took the few steps and turned so that he could lean up against the wall where he let his head rest comfortably. He closed his eyes and let the silence fill the room even if only for a few seconds. "Homicide is working Willis's death. I wanted, no, I needed you to be able to get what we needed from the kid. It is what you're good at, isn't it Lieutenant? Or, maybe you have been a bit preoccupied."

Olivia closed her own eyes and bit her tongue. It had been nearly four weeks since she had last heard from Ed Tucker. Believing she could find love and have it last with Tucker was where she had failed herself. Not with this case. "I know dealing with Mike's death has been hard, it has been tough for all of us. I'm talking to you as a friend here. Maybe you need to take some time away."

"My son knew the risks involved with the job. I thought SVU was where he needed to be, ya know, safer." Dodds let out a low chuckle. "I was so wrong there."

"Domestic Violence is as dangerous as it gets, Sir." Olivia slowly shook her head at the misconception. "SVU is more than rape and child abuse. Mike was being Mike and protecting the innocent. It is what he grew up watching his father do and all he wanted to do himself."

Dodds glared at Olivia before finally pushing off the wall. He knew better than to blame Olivia for his son's tragic death, but he somehow felt better knowing she still struggled with her own misplaced guilt over the situation. "I want you, yourself, to go talk to that little girl. I know she's young, but she knows something. You have been at SVU for 18 years now, Benson. There's a reason for that." Dodds picked up the picture of Olivia's young child, appeared to study it before replacing it on the desk.

"Yes, Sir." Olivia jumped when Dodds slammed the door on his way out.


End file.
